Ross Rosenberg And The Human Magnet Syndrome

The Human Magnet Syndrome is a concept created by psychologist and therapist Ross Rosenberg. It is also the title of his book of which he sold a huge number of copies. It addresses a reality that Rosenberg discovered: We are strongly attracted to people who will make us suffer sooner or later.

According to this theory, what we call “chemistry” between people is nothing more than a dysfunctional attraction. There are two impulses in that chemistry: one of love and one of war. In other words, we are strongly attracted to people with whom we will eventually have a problem.

This would explain why so many of us are not looking for those wonderful people who will give us stability and affection. When it comes to relationships, we’ve all heard it: opposites attract. The Human Magnet Syndrome explains why.

The Human Magnet Syndrome in action

People who suffer from Human Magnet Syndrome experience a strong attraction the moment they meet the other person. They get an intense feeling that this other person is special and that they have a unique bond. Also, they have an intense desire to have intimate physical contact with the other person. In any case, they want to be as close to him as possible.

People get carried away by this powerful attraction and start a very intense relationship. It feels like the other person is “the love of their lives.” This person fits them perfectly and makes them happy.

But sooner or later there will be conflicts. It could be because of jealousy, disagreements, possessiveness or really almost anything. The person who once made you very happy has now become a source of suffering. The two partners hurt each other deeply and dig into all-out war. Despite all this, they find it extremely difficult to let go of each other.

Narcissism and codependency

According to Rosenberg, Human Magnet Syndrome in its classic form occurs in two types of people: codependents and narcissists. He also points out that all relationships have some level of codependency. It becomes problematic when it is the main feature of a relationship and leads to a high level of drama.

Codependency means that one partner surrenders to the other without limits. This partner tries to give the other the best of themselves, without filter or restrictions. The other person, the narcissist, loves to have a partner who loves so unconditionally. He responds affectionately, attentively and caring. At the moment it all clicks perfectly and everything seems balanced and harmonious.

Soon, however, the narcissist will want more. Even if the other person gives him literally all of himself, the narcissist will feel that something is missing. Over time, he will no longer be satisfied with what he gets. He will ask, or demand more and more.

The codependent gets the feeling that he is not good enough. This will fill him with insecurity and he will try to give even more, but eventually he will begin to complain about his partner’s indifference.

Endless suffering

People dealing with Human Magnet Syndrome build relationships that become painful and stifling over time. However, they continue to feel attracted to the other, this attraction does not disappear. Sometimes it even becomes stronger precisely because of what they do to each other.

For some reason, the codependent wants to be controlled. The narcissistic person, in turn, will have a desperate need for his “adoring follower.” That’s what keeps them from ending a relationship that hurts them so much. Ultimately, they hold on to the imbalance.

The processes involved are not that different from addiction. In the beginning it is a wonderfully pleasant, euphoric feeling. Some people call this ‘happiness’. Even if the pleasant feeling disappears over time, and suffering takes its place, these people will not accept that the pleasure that marked the beginning has disappeared. They compulsively look for that amazing sensation.

From a psychological point of view, the codependent and the narcissist are complete opposites. That is precisely why they complement each other. You hear people like this saying things like ‘he’s my better half’ all the time. It’s actually still true in this case, except it’s neurosis more than anything else.

Human Magnet Syndrome discusses why we “love” the people who make us suffer. It explains that when things like this happen, it’s more about individual neuroses growing stronger in a relationship than true, stormy, powerful love.