Dealing With Family Gatherings: A Success With These Tips

Only a few more months and the year will come to an end. That means Christmas parties at the office, family gatherings and getting together with friends. When you get together with your family, things don’t have to go wrong. However, in every family there are conflicts. The Christmas season is a good opportunity for such conflicts to occur. In any case, Christmas is a complicated time of the year for many adults. If that’s the case for you, don’t worry. You’re not the only one who has to learn to deal with family gatherings.

We want to point out that conflict is part of family life. So it is normal that your family members sometimes make you feel bad. The danger, however, arises when the conflict is not resolved and continues to fester. This can be so bad that it eventually explodes during Christmas Eve supper or during Christmas lunch. Does this sound familiar to you? If the answer is yes, then we want to help you with this. You can keep past circumstances from taking over and ruining your family gathering.

In this article we have collected five important pieces of advice. They help you get through family gatherings successfully. The idea is that these strategies will help you deal with the people with whom you have problems (or have had problems in the past). And not only that, because if you follow this advice, you can have even more fun, feel in a festive mood and actively participate in the gathering. You can memorize all our advice and put it in your pocket. Use them when things start to get tense and when you feel a conflict brewing.

5 tips on how to successfully deal with family gatherings during the upcoming Christmas holidays

1. Avoid responding to provocations. If something needs to be discussed, now is not the right time.

When you have an unresolved conflict with someone, it’s tempting to bring it up at the earliest opportunity. It’s understandable that you want to talk about those things so you can shut it down. So when you meet the person with whom you have a conflict, you may provoke him without even realizing it. Or you can even allow someone to provoke you.

In this situation, it is important that you recognize the potential provocation as soon as possible. The goal is to divert the conversation to a neutral topic. Once the atmosphere between you is friendly, the tension will disappear. Family Christmas parties are definitely not the time to talk about sensitive topics.

2. Target those people who are happy to have the whole family together. Do it for them!

In many families there are certain people like mom, dad, or grandpa who are very happy that the whole family is together. The rest of the family participates in the family gatherings because they want to make them happy. So if you don’t feel motivated to get together with your family, think about the fact that your gesture will make someone you love happy.

3. Analyze yourself and be honest with yourself: what bothers you? Is there a solution for this?

When it bothers you to be around a certain person, you have to find out what exactly is happening. Can you change what bothers you? Does this person have a trait that annoys you because it’s actually a trait you share with them? It is fundamental that you ask these questions. That way you can control the emotions that arise during a conflict. Perhaps the problem lies with a family member’s personality. And it won’t change. In that case, you are the person who needs to work on your tolerance. You can also try to avoid circumstances where this particular characteristic occurs.

Anyway, a family gathering is not the right time to try to change someone. It also doesn’t matter how good your intentions are or how much the person needs to change. So that means it’s not the right time to tell someone they smoke too much or need to eat more. You have time all year round to do this. So don’t ruin the party with comments that could hurt someone. Try to hold back, even if you think your comments are harmless.

4. Talk to yourself and think if it’s worth arguing at a family gathering

When you are angry, try to take a few minutes for yourself. Talk to yourself and think. Is it really worth starting a conflict now? By the words “talk to yourself” we mean giving yourself guidelines in your favor. Self-instructions are guidelines you give to yourself.

The words you say to yourself actually work like commands in the brain. If you tell yourself to be calm and quiet, it will be easier to get along with your family and get through the meeting successfully.

5. Avoid reaching your limit. Step away from the situation before it’s too late.

Avoidance behavior is not always a negative coping strategy. Plus, it’s actually the best strategy when you’re dealing with a complicated situation and it’s not the time or place to discuss it. Avoidance is the best choice if you already know that you will get angry, lose control and make other people feel uncomfortable. It’s not a realistic goal to try to control your anger when your patience is running low.

It’s also important that you set boundaries for your family members before Christmas arrives. Every family works in a different way. Your family may be independent or very close. If your family is independent, the boundaries between each family member’s life are clear and respected. Then when there are family gatherings, the work is already done.

On the other hand, if your family is very close, the boundaries may not be clear. In that case, it’s a good idea to set boundaries before you get together. The reason is that family gatherings are not the best time to explain your personal needs. It’s also not ideal to try to fend off those family members who tend to interfere too much in your life at that time.

In any case, it’s always a good idea to set boundaries with family members. Be clear about what you want to share. It is also important that you let us know when you need advice and when you don’t. Remember that you have the right to make your own decisions, even if those decisions go against what most people in your family think or believe.

Finally, one more piece of advice. Take advantage of the holidays to enjoy the positive side of family gatherings. Focus your energy and your attention on the positive. Above all, remember to be patient and not get into conflict. That way, a good idea won’t end up in an unpleasant situation for everyone involved. Also, don’t forget that your attitude during the holidays has an important influence on the well-being of other people.