Search For Approval? You Don’t Have To Prove Anything To Anyone
Always trying to be better than others is an unmistakable sign of insecurity. No one has to prove anything to anyone or look for approval. But there are still people who think they should do this. They act from this thought.
What makes us want to prove and justify ourselves to others? Insecurity. And when there’s a big gap between how we see ourselves and how we want to be seen, it’s even worse. What we have is a deep desire for the approval of others. Instead of feeling that we don’t have to prove anything to anyone, we eventually feel that the opposite is true.
When this is the case, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. We feel the need to prove that we are better than them in some way. But this will only give us an empty and distorted satisfaction.
If there is love, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone
The key to all of this is in self-love. Many people believe that self-love is the same as pride, narcissism or arrogance. But the opposite is actually true. The more self-love we have, the less we will feel the need to boast that we are the best and at the same time despise others.
To have self-love means to feel that you are worthy of appreciation and respect, no matter the circumstances. This also means that our sense of worth does not depend on anything outside us or even on personal successes, but on ourselves.
Self-love is essential and not incidental. So when you have that sense of appreciation for who you are, you will never have anything to prove to anyone. For you will have no desire to compete. You will also not feel the desire to create feelings of admiration or fear in others. A person feels valuable for who he is, just because he is alive.
To be and to prove to be, two different realities
Trying to be something we are not involves a huge expenditure of emotional energy. Because there will always be an inner tension. Stress is never far away. It’s stressful trying to build up some kind of disguise and stick with it. Moreover, you are then dependent on the influence it has on others. Because that is what enables you to feel self-esteem.
So what we’re doing here is trying to prove that we’re something we’re not. That can be a certain social class or a different type of personality. We can also try to show that we feel or think a certain way (with compassion, patriotism, love, and so on).
Of course there are also situations where you try to show that you are not something or that you do not feel something . An example is when we do reckless things and try to prove that we are not afraid. Or when we show that we are not ignorant and do our best to give this impression to others.
All this makes us not accept ourselves. For neurotic reasons, we reject certain personal aspects. This means that the reasons that cause this rejection do not come from some sound reasoning. They spring from an empty desire to be like everyone else. We only do this to keep the people around us happy, or so we think. Even if no one ever has to prove anything to anyone, in these cases people think the opposite.
A matter of illusions
All these attempts to be someone else or to feel different is just an illusion. They subconsciously cling to the delusion that showing this to others will get them their approval. And after that, this approval will help them gain a sense of personal trust that is lacking in their lives.
But what happens in practice is completely the opposite. The lack of authenticity becomes an obstacle to learning to accept and be accepted. Because eventually all masks always fall off or disappear.
No one has to prove anything to anyone. If we do feel that desire, it is because something in us is broken and hurt. The best proof of personal confidence and strength is simply being yourself. The disproportionate need for approval only leads to a vicious circle in which we feel less and less free and valuable.
