I Set You Free From Me

I’ll be fine, I assure you. I have found many people who make me laugh. I’ve found myself again, in the mornings, when you’re not there for the coffee; in the afternoons, when I come home from work and there is no one under the sheets.

I’ll be fine, believe me. I’m fine, even though I see you in every cafe every ten seconds, every time I toss through the sheets looking for something to lean against. I’m telling you, being here isn’t the same as being with me. You’re gone, but you’re still with me.

I’m fine; I have opened myself to new memories that you will not be a part of. But I admit they are not enough to protect me from the cold I feel.

You’re gone, but I see you everywhere

Writing is the hardest and cowardly way I know of telling you that I miss you with all my heart, but that I have to live my life – just like you do without me. That is, if we can’t be one anymore, then we’d better learn how to be ourselves. People tell me that whoever wants to be with me should accept that I am who I am.

It’s been a long time since you were here, but I keep seeing you everywhere I go. It’s the fault of all those places that bring out the feelings I still have for you in me. They still contain all the happiness that once was there, because despite all the bad things, there are things that really made us laugh.

It will be hard not to see each other again, but the best advice I can give is to be as strong as we were when we started this. I know it’s not the same, I know you’re there and I’m here, but we can do this. I can do this.

I free you from me

People have also told me – and this is the real reason I’m writing this – that the best way to end the pain is to release it. And so I offer you, without resentment and without hatred, all the freedom you need. I’m not talking about things that are already obvious, that you’ve heard before; I want to let you be real , without guilt, regret or tears.

That’s why it’s best to forget everything, at least for now. We forget all those Sundays at your house, all the movies we watched together and I always fell asleep, all those meals we won’t share anymore. Let’s let go of all those dreams we never achieved… my bad mood that kept you from laughing, our sadness, our happiness. Let’s turn the page.

Let’s say goodbye to all those cities we visited together, to all those first times that will also be the last times, to what you taught me and what I could have taught you. Let’s start from scratch. I liberate you from me, in the same way that I liberate every place that has ever seen us and now no longer sees.

I say goodbye without fully knowing how this should be, because I know I have to if you don’t want to be the one to say goodbye to me. I’m sure everyone agrees: if we can’t be how we once were, the healthiest thing we can do is be something else; and if there is no way to be, then not being at all is the only thing that can help us.