We Have Not Become Indifferent, But We Have Become Too Different

Ever since the day we first met, I’ve been afraid of this moment. All the more so because I have revealed and given myself and my heart to you without hesitation. We have let each other in – in all vulnerability. Yet now is the time to accept that unfortunately  we are too different. Not indifferent, but unfortunately no longer compatible as a couple. And together we will have to learn to let go of each other, to go our own way.

You and I risked everything – money, time, effort – to build a life together, while preserving our individual essence. We created transformative spaces, both inside and out, and did our utmost to grow in all areas (mental, material and spiritual). Nevertheless, our mutual development has not kept pace, we have slowly grown apart and mutually have not been able to adapt sufficiently.

The relationship has cooled and we have both changed

Our relationship is no longer what it once was. And as much as we try to deny it, we actually know better. There is no more hope. Deep down, of course, we still love each other and wish each other great happiness, but in practice a mutual distance has set in. Without intention, and without really realizing it, we hurt ourselves and each other.

We have changed and are again two separate people who had a lot of plans together. Plans of which nothing will come of now, no matter how much our hopes and future depended on it. Both of us will feel inner emptiness, fight the tears and be broken for some time.

When you lose faith in a previously shared dream, all energy that is focused on realizing it also flows away. While giving up on your projected future ideal is a bitter pill, in light of the current, broken-down circumstances, you have no other choice. You have to face reality.

The ‘comfort zone’

We may have ended up in this dead-end, irreversible situation because our initial confidence obscured the boundaries of our common comfort zone. The comfort of our routines, and of being together at all, makes separation anxiety creep up on us as soon as we seriously consider ending a long-term love affair.

We still half-heartedly try to convince ourselves that everything is okay, when we both know very well that in reality we have become irrevocably separated and estranged. It is therefore imperative that we dare to step out of our comfort zone and stop deceiving ourselves. We are no longer the same people we were at the start of our relationship and we have to accept that – however tragically – we no longer fit together.

What remains is no longer love

We have been a complicated couple but have treated each other with respect and affection for a long time. Now all that remains is nostalgia, compassion and sweet and sour memories. For the true magic has dried up and neither you nor I can conjure that spark back. Maintaining, or reviving, a broken relationship takes much more than that, much more than a floundering, romanticizing memory.

Yet our most beautiful moments will always remain with us. And when two people have really loved each other, somewhere in us there will always be mutual appreciation and gratitude, for the precious experiences and for the totality of the love affair lived. As unfortunate as it may be, this transition and turnaround is inevitable.

Let’s stop pretending that this detachment is temporary, that everything, including ourselves as a couple, could go back to normal. Sometimes life simply forces us to make decisions that we could never have or even would like to imagine before. Still, in the end, this is for the best, for both of us. Please try to be at peace with it, I say to myself and to you.