Humor As A Defense Mechanism In Difficult Times

Sometimes it doesn’t seem that way. But in stressful or difficult situations that most of us face, we often use humor as a defense mechanism. In difficult times it brings color to the darkness and a smile on our face. It can also be contagious. So it seems to be the perfect cure, right?

A defense mechanism is a strategy we use to deal with unpleasant inner problems or situations around us. It is then as if this power shrinks the “evil” monster that intends to stay. It could be grief over the loss of a loved one, anger at a recent breakup, or being diagnosed with an illness…

Our defenses counteract stress by trying to make it smaller and less harmful… They are attempts to make sure it isn’t so scary or unknown. Sometimes a defense mechanism can make you forget your suffering. Or it helps you to set the causes of suffering in motion. Humor brings a bubble of fresh air into your inner world. This can be so overwhelming that it even seems that you are doing well. It is then as if nothing can disturb you.

Humor as a defense mechanism helps you to escape unpleasant realities

You’ve probably met someone who talks about serious or important things with a smile on their face. It’s the kind of smile that turns into that little nervous giggle that leads to a burst of laughter. Yet there’s something here that isn’t right…while listening to that person, you can’t stop thinking that something isn’t right.

Because how can they tell you something that you assume is important or serious to them, and laugh at the same time? Stop for a moment and think about this. Many people laugh when they are actually talking about something that is not really fun. It’s the kind of laughter that you can tell isn’t sincere… Because it’s more like a soul crying out because it doesn’t know how to express itself. It is different from genuine laughter, the way of laughing that comes from a happy soul. On the contrary, this is a kind of laughter that looks exactly like a malfunction.

We can usually notice when there is a disconnect between what someone says and how he says it. This helps us assess how serious the matter really is. There are people who don’t go into much detail about this and who generally accept this kind of laughter. “Well, if they’re laughing, it must be that it doesn’t bother them! I’m sure they’re okay.” But the truth is, something isn’t right. Because when we say something that doesn’t match how we say it, something is wrong.

The discomfort of trying to be heard and accepted and not rejected

It is here that humor plays a role as a defense mechanism against a reality that is difficult to accept. Humor gives us a warm feeling. Often it can act as a beneficial balm. Then it helps us to adapt in many social situations. But like anything else, this becomes a problem when it’s your only way of dealing with a situation. Because you then “defend yourself” against the situation, you fight against it. You don’t accept the situation or take it for what it is.

There are realities that are really sickening. Accepting this goes hand in hand with a deep inner change. And the best way to escape them is to deny them. You push them out of your consciousness or you minimize them… Then you make them so small that they almost don’t exist. But when you don’t confront something, no matter how unpleasant it may be, it means you are moving away from who you really are.

Convenience and discomfort are part of life. You can’t end either one. The “cure” doesn’t come from denying things that make you feel uncomfortable. The healing comes from acceptance… It is in that sense that you have to look within yourself if you want to accept something. In addition, you should start by showing some respect for what you think. Maybe you don’t respect one of your experiences. Or you make a caricature of it until it’s completely gone. But then you also make sure that the other person doesn’t take you seriously.

If you don’t take yourself seriously, you’re basically telling the other person they don’t have to either

You can “teach” the other person to respect you or not. The less you respect how you feel and choose humor as your first mechanism for escaping YOUR reality, the harder you make it for the other person to respect your most intimate experiences. You show them that they can laugh about it and not take you seriously. What you talk about is not important. Because “it doesn’t bother you.” But actually it DOES bother you. However, it is so painful or uncomfortable that your first reaction is to push it away.

That is why it is important that you recognize these conflicting signals between what a person is feeling and what he is displaying.  Because it is important that you see the contradiction between what they say and how they say it… This contradiction will give you a hint of how you can help that person so that he is more comfortable with his discomfort.

Sometimes the easiest thing you can do is just listen to what they’re really trying to tell you. Listen without getting lost in the masks and caricatures. That person probably wants to be heard without anyone judging them. All they need is to hear, “It’s okay you’re not well and you can talk to me if you need to.”