If You Feel Lonely Because Of Your Independence

Independence is something that many people strive for. It is in our nature to break the ties we no longer need. Finding a job, financial independence, our own home and maybe a partner. But what happens when we feel lonely because of our independence?

Loneliness is something many people seek out, but for others it is difficult to live with. This is something we fear when we strive for independence. Two kinds of feelings appear in the persons who have to deal with them.

Learning to live in solitude

When we become independent, we find a house where no one is waiting for us. A house where silence and solitude reign. This feeling of isolation and abandonment is unbearable for many. What do they do then? Find someone who wants to share their life with them.

This usually happens in the emotional realm. When we don’t know how to be without a partner or can’t handle emotional independence, we look for the first person to give us a friendly look and become a part of our lives.

We try to fill our lives with something that doesn’t really fulfill us. What we are not aware of is that being with someone will not fill us. That’s something we create in our minds. Often we are just as lonely with someone as we are alone.

This situation of independence, emptiness and loneliness can make us apathetic and depressed. How can we solve this? It is not easy…

We have learned that being alone is a negative thing, but independence is a positive thing. This contrast creates tension between what we want and what we feel. Between the urge for independence and the fear of silence and loneliness.

I want to be independent but not lonely

When we find ourselves in this situation, we need to reflect to find a solution:

• Evaluate your attachment. We tend to get attached to material things and people that are almost as bad as drugs. If we feel that we are losing them, it can hurt, so we look for another “drug”.
• Connect with your emotions and be aware that there is only one person who will always be there for you: you. If you’re worried that your independence will leave you feeling lonely, think of this as a new learning experience.

• Enjoy your own company. We often don’t know what to do with ourselves when we’re alone and we can’t enjoy the silence and solitude that enrich us and help us get to know ourselves better. Eating alone and going to the movies alone may seem uncomfortable, but it can be good for you.

Of these three things, probably the most shocking is enjoying your own company, especially when it comes to eating alone or going to the movies.

There are many people who do this because it is important to do certain things alone that you would otherwise do in the company of others. These people know how to enjoy their solitude. They know that going to the movies alone and dining out alone doesn’t have to be boring.

We have learned to keep in touch with ourselves and  there are certain things, such as eating alone and walking, that we consciously want to do with someone else. If we have no company, this already leads to a clear feeling of discomfort.

Imagine having to move to another country for work where you don’t know anyone. What would you do then? Sitting at home all the time?

If independence makes you feel lonely, don’t look for someone to fill this void. Take this as a new lesson and learn to enjoy yourself  without feeling like you want to be with someone all the time.

You can enjoy many things that you think you should always do with someone else. Get this out of your mind, start changing and look at independence from a different point of view.