Being Different: Swimming Against The Tide

Being accepted by others is a deep instinctive need. That is why swimming against the current is so difficult. People are social by nature, happy when they are part of the group and sad when they are marginalized. When we feel left out, an age-old alarm of fear goes off in the depths of our brains. We know that when we are alone, we are more vulnerable to any danger that may lurk.

This is also where our fear of being different from others comes from. It is the basis for that dangerous tendency we have to blindly join the masses. Basically, we are terrified to deviate from the rest.

The disturbing thing about this is that the mainstream social current sometimes conflicts with what is reasonable or desirable. The most obvious example is, of course, that of Nazism. Many people joined this sick, inhumane movement simply out of fear. They were all walking in the same direction. As absurd as it was, many people thought it was better to go with the flow than to resist it.

But this does not only happen in major historical events. There are also countless everyday situations where this happens. For example, it happens with bullying. While many know deep down it’s not okay, they remain silent. Or they join the bullies, just to avoid swimming against the tide. What can be said about that fear? Is there any way to get rid of it?

The fear of thinking and being different from others

In some ways, we are all encouraged to create some kind of character that represents us socially. This means that someone has told us how we should be from the moment we were born. What should I do and what should I not do? How should I act? But this doesn’t always – or very rarely – align exactly with who we actually are or what we want to do.

In order to be part of society and its culture, we have to ‘distort’ ourselves a bit. We have to respect the flow, even if we don’t want to. Or we have to learn to eat with cutlery, even if it seems useless or complicated. It is the price we have to pay if we want to be accepted by a group of people. That is why, in part, we play one or more characters in the society in which we live.

Why do we accept these rules of the game? Just because if we don’t, we will be rejected or punished. Other people will not accept that we do what we want. As a result, they will usually subtly but forcefully oppose any position that deviates from that of the group.

Limitations are imposed on us, but they are not always explained and we do not always understand them. In general, however, we learn to act according to their rules because we are afraid not to.

Growing means becoming more independent and maybe swimming against the current

Some people never get a chance to get past this childhood stage. When we are little, adults tell us what to do and what not to do. We get used to obeying, usually without knowing why. Right and wrong are taught to us as absolute truths, and our opinions and feelings are not very important here.

However, growing means learning to understand the ‘why’ behind these norms, boundaries and limitations. It also means deciding how well they align with our desires and then acting accordingly. To do this, we must lose the fear of thinking for ourselves. It’s time to discover who we are, beyond the character we’ve learned to play. Sometimes this means swimming against the current.

When we learn to see ourselves as adults, we will see that we have the means to disagree and swim against the tide. Of course, we first need to know what we do agree with. That will determine what our beliefs are. And beliefs give us the strength to be different if necessary.

Unfortunately, we don’t always finish the process. Sometimes we choose not to grow. It is a tough job that requires a lot of effort and perseverance. Not everyone is willing to move from the character they’ve built to their true self.

Not everyone wants to face the fear of being themselves. But those who do – these people gain freedom. They also get a chance to design their own destiny, in accordance with who they really are.

Images Courtesy of James Bullogh