Check Your Anger Before It Checks You

Sometimes it takes very little to happen before we lose our temper and let the anger take over. Maybe we’re extremely tired and feeling more annoyed than usual, maybe we’ve been taken aback by a mean comment, or maybe everything is just pushing us to the limit.

In these moments, anger takes advantage of us. We can’t control our anger and we lash out at anything that moves, even if it has nothing to do with why we’re angry.

These kinds of situations consume us, causing us to behave aggressively, irresponsibly and sometimes even cruel. Once the storm has passed, we may feel extremely ashamed and completely confused  and then the fact that we no longer recognize ourselves could begin to eat away at us.

However, even though we think it’s impossible to control our emotions in these moments, there are some alternatives through which we can control our anger. Below we give some examples:

How can we control our anger?

We should forget for a moment the assumption that anger is inherently bad. It’s normal to get angry and even furious at times, which is completely different from not knowing how to deal with your anger.

It’s also worth saying that while anger is a healthy negative emotion, uncontrolled and excessive anger is unhealthy. This is what we call anger. We should always try to keep our anger from turning into anger. But how?

1. Recognizing the Causes of Anger

Everyone should become aware of the things that make them angry, bother them and contribute to feelings of sadness, injustice, inequality, etc. Anger is always a product of how we interpret things.

2. Recognizing the Physical Warning Signs

While we should definitely remember that everyone is different, for most of us when we feel irritable or angry our heart rate will go up, our guts will feel shrinking and we will get hot and nervous.

As we said, anger can range from a minor irritation to intense anger and rage. The belief that it is better to express our anger than to keep it inside is completely false. If you are able to identify the first symptoms of your anger, you can immediately put an end to it before it becomes uncontrollable.

To do this, you need to learn certain relaxation techniques, such as pausing your thoughts or controlling your breathing (inhale several times for about 2 to 3 seconds, then exhale for 2 to 3 seconds to feel normal again). You can also listen to music, do physical exercise, watch TV, visualize a relaxing image, etc.

3. Examine your thoughts

You may feel like your thoughts are cloudy or they’re piling up, thwarting your efforts to think clearly. That’s why it’s important to recognize what kinds of thoughts come into your head when you get angry.

• Heated thoughts occur before, during, and after what made you angry, and they make you feel even worse. Thoughts such as “How ridiculous,” “They’re laughing at me,” “I hate it here,” and “They’ll find out!”

• Mistakes in our thinking: Sometimes we take things personally, ignore the positive, try to be perfect, or see things in black and white.

In this case, you have to compete with your thoughts to make them more balanced, so that “They always drop me” turns into something like “Sometimes they don’t behave the way they should, but sometimes they do .” You can make a comparison list and carry it with you when you need it.

4. Control your aggressive behavior

If we are able to control our thoughts and the physical symptoms of anger, we will not behave aggressively. But it’s quite likely that there will come a time when we won’t be able to do this and so we have to learn how to deal with it. How? By following three steps:

• Step one: Identify what each aggressive behavior consists of, what happened before and what happened after. It’s a good idea to keep this in a journal.
• Step two: List alternatives to your aggressive behavior. For example, you could distance yourself from the situation until you feel calmer, you could take a deep breath, you could try to understand the motivations of others, etc.
• Step three: Practice these alternative behaviors the next time you feel violent.

5. Solve your problems and get enough sleep

Lack of sleep and too much stress can make you prone to irritable and angry behavior. That is why it is important that you confront these situations directly, that you evaluate them and that you do not wait too long to solve them.

6. Communicate the right way

Sometimes we take things too personally and as a result we jump to conclusions about other people’s intentions. It is important that we improve our social communication and that we follow the advice below:

• Stop and listen to the other person.
• Don’t jump to conclusions. If something sounds offensive, you should ask that person to explain their comment, but you shouldn’t counterattack.
• Try to understand other people’s feelings, because most of the time they are underlying what people say and do. Remember that no feeling is invalid and by realizing this you can probably avoid a lot of arguments.

• Try expressing how you feel instead of saying hurtful things.

If you follow the advice above and maintain a good self-image, you are likely to be less likely to get carried away by excessive anger.