Hiding Your Emotions Takes Its Toll

Hiding your emotions is probably something you do often. It’s something we all do very often. You silence the pain and bottle up your anxiety, your fear and anger. But little by little, hiding your emotions is no longer functional. It even causes mental blocks and hinders good health, spontaneity and personal growth.

For several centuries, society has raised us with the belief that the most important thing in our world is reason. Descartes said “cogito ergo sum” (I think, therefore I am). And that has shaped how we think about emotions today. Emotions and everything we associate with them take us further away from all things civilized.

Maybe that’s why we teach kids that crying is immature, and that it’s always better to hide your sadness. We teach them that people who get angry and react to what they don’t like or think is unfair are rude.

We silently let them know to “laugh softly.” Because laughing hard means you’re crazy. We explain to them that emotions, and especially showing your emotions, is weak. No one tells children that feelings have great potential and that it is important to understand them and make the best of them. We feel because we exist. That’s the simple truth. Feelings and emotions give us life. Suppressing them takes life away from you little by little. Hiding your emotions is harmful.

Emotions and their purpose

We can mention right now that we are all born with an enormous capacity to be happy. But this concept has some nuances that are important to look at individually. Your genes and your environment predestine you for certain things.

So much of the emotional suffering you carry around without knowing why comes from that mental and emotional structure that developed very early in your life.

Teachers and parents teach you rules and knowledge. You may not realize it, but they also teach you about emotions. It is precisely the latter factor that largely determines your quality of life and your human potential.

Unhealthy emotional control often causes you to distort truths. Sometimes you think, for example, that an emotion is just like a choice on a menu. You can make a choice (for example, you choose  “today I am disappointed but I choose to show happiness”).

But the inner dynamics don’t work that way. That’s why you can’t postpone emotions. Because they don’t die or disappear. But emotions do change shape. They become psychosomatic disorders and turn into anxiety.

Hiding your emotions is not healthy

Hiding your emotions comes at a high cost. You may think that hiding your emotions will make things better. After all, you don’t want that attention. And while you don’t change, you can still be productive. But how long will you be able to wear that mask?

• See emotions as energy, as inner impulses that need expression and movement. When you hide your emotions, this energy turns inward. The result is muscle tension, stomach and intestinal problems, headaches, and so on.

• Remember that the stronger the suppression, the stronger the emotional expression will be in the end. Ultimately, all suppressed emotions seek a solution, a way out. Sometimes they come out in the worst possible way. We often see this happen when we suppress anger or disappointment. Because eventually you will take all that tension out on the wrong person or react out of proportion (with violence).

How can I control my emotions?

You now know that suppressing, hiding, or pretending to be gone is not a solution. Because the emotional energy is there and will remain. The key then is to let it flow. To understand how to better manage your emotions, consider these simple metaphors.

• The source. If you decide to leave your emotions in a well, you will get sick. Water that stands still for a long time becomes brackish. It smells bad and putrid. So avoid the source.
• The tsunami. If you choose this strategy, you will end up hurting other people. Sometimes emotions are like a hurricane or a tsunami. They fall on others with such anger and contempt that in the end everyone loses.
• The water wheel. The mill, or water wheel, makes the water move through the wheel. It flows through it smoothly and harmoniously. The movement is gentle and nothing is held. The water stays fresh and never stands still. This is the best choice.

It has everything to do with channeling all your emotions in a good way. Say what bothers you the moment it bothers you. Respond when the moment requires a response. Be assertive and agile under everyday pressure. You actually turn your emotions into a harmonious engine instead of a pitfall.