How Complaining Affects Our Brains

One friend hangs out with another friend. Less than five minutes pass before one person has heard so much complaining from the other that it completely overwhelms him and he doesn’t know what to say anymore. Complaining about his parents, his brother, the fact that he has no job, is single, about the unsatisfactory health care system, about his petty neighbors and the arbitrary measures that the government has now taken again.

There are situations in life that are undoubtedly worthy of our lamentation. Complaining can help us release the built-up tension that the event caused us. Losing a close family member, becoming unemployed due to budget cuts, a divorce or serious illness are painful experiences that can make us feel the urge to complain.

However, some people complain throughout the day. Moreover, they think that all ‘good people’ in the world are obliged to listen to their cries. If they don’t, it means they are insensitive or selfish.

Contemporary Complaints

Living in the present moment is not easy. We are constantly bombarded with news that is generally painful or worrisome. We also have to deal with grumpy bosses and pissed off colleagues. Not to mention the personal problems we are exposed to. These include loss, illness and a whole load of other situations that can sometimes choke us.

When faced with such a scenario,  we generally have two options: to analyze each situation and look for the best possible solution or to resist and complain. What’s so worrisome about this second option is that it becomes a habit. It is a habit that limits our options and generates negative attitudes in those around us.

We may think that complaining creates a kind of catharsis that helps us deal with outside pressures, and maybe that’s exactly what it does at times. Complaining, however, can, without our realizing it, become a habit that we keep repeating and that we have a hard time getting rid of. And eventually, complaining becomes our automatic response to difficulties.

The consequences in our brains

Research has shown that the frequency and emotional intensity with which we complain can cause significant changes in our brains. When we experience constant frustration, our brains release hormones such as noradrenaline, adrenaline and cortisol that can eventually alter the normal functioning of this organ.

Some scientists even claim that regular exposure to complaining deteriorates or even removes the neural connections present in the hippocampus. This is exactly the part of the brain that is responsible for finding solutions to the problems we face.

Complaining makes us negatively mold ourselves. It often provokes rejection in others and will eventually damage our relationship with our family, partner or colleagues. It is a form of dependence and therefore of immaturity and passivity in the presence of problems.

What can we do?

Things probably won’t always be how we want them to be. So why should we become frustrated and embittered by things that will not change simply because we are not able to change? Wouldn’t it be wiser to be a little more flexible? To adopt a more adaptive attitude that will ensure that we have better options in life?

All that complaining just costs us energy, energy that could be better used to overcome adversity. Changing our behavior will always be an option.

It is true that in some situations it is healthy to complain. We must therefore learn to distinguish between situations where complaining can help our self-esteem and others where it can only work against us.

To overcome this tiresome habit of complaining, it’s important to start by analyzing your problems with a cool head and assessing what you can do. We have to learn to interpret things differently. We can try to be less self-destructive and more proactive. We are not trying to change the world of others. We make an effort to improve ours.

Keep this in mind

There are situations in which complaining develops into a conscious or unconscious way of manipulating. The perpetrator experiences guilt, and his way of hiding this guilt is by arousing sympathy or solidarity in others. In this way, he does not have to deal with the responsibility for the consequences of his actions.

Complaining is a state of malaise that tends to perpetuate itself. It is a condition that causes suffering, but at the same time a kind of strange satisfaction. We are much better off looking for other ways to assuage our dissatisfaction and actively trying to overcome that passive attitude towards life.