Kindness Doesn’t Have To Be Put Above Assertiveness

At this point, you might be wondering if we really mean this. “Are you trying to tell me that kindness can be a problem in a relationship? I would like my relationship to be based on kindness!’ Well, I can confirm, because as singer and spokesperson Ricardo Arjona says, “that stupid fear of seeing yourself old and without a partner makes you choose with your head what to do with the heart.” That’s when we make a mistake.

As incredible and absurd as it may seem, kindness and a certain misunderstood feeling or emotion can be a serious problem in a relationship. Even the noblest of intentions can be distorted and turned into pain, anger, misunderstanding…

What does science say?

In order to understand the problems that kindness can cause in a relationship, it’s good to know about the research that a number of researchers at the University of Toronto conducted a few years ago in relation to this topic.

The study found that kindness can be a serious problem in a relationship if one of the partners is unable to express his or her inability. The relationship suffers if a partner chooses to remain friendly, rather than taking care of his or her own needs.

People have a need to socialize. In addition, we are more or less empathetic. However, this extreme situation can lead to one of the partners deciding to accept a situation that is intolerable simply by avoiding conflict.

During the study, the  researchers noted  that people with certain profiles, who were very empathetic and friendly, experienced serious difficulties in choosing a partner  due to their inability to say no for fear that they would feel guilty about it later. .

Goodness turned into a relationship problem

Obviously, being too empathetic and kind can lead to bad decisions in relationships. If it is prolonged, it can even result in serious illness and mental illness. It is therefore important to take certain measures.

While it may seem unusual, it’s important to know how to say no.  Always be polite, but without exaggerating. A timely rejection can be an important mental health exercise. Not everyone knows how to say no, yet sometimes it is necessary to do so to avoid awkward situations.

Kindness within a relationship can in many cases be associated with feelings of guilt. Putting your own interests ahead of your partner’s is no cause for blame.

There are also cases where a partner’s friendliness can be associated with low self-esteem. Very helpful people can actually hide insecurity. They choose to accept everything, in order to ensure that they are accepted.

If we look closely, guilt, an inability to say ‘no’ or low self-confidence are always associated with people who are not confident enough. In this way, serious issues can arise that need to be investigated by a professional.

Can these situations be avoided?

A relationship should never be a source of trouble and uncertainty. While it can never be perfect, a relationship with a loved one should be seen as a situation that makes your life more enjoyable. Otherwise, it may be a good idea to reframe the conditions of the situation. Here are some signs of this type of relationship:

• If you are a person who always gives unselfishly, but gets less in return.
• If you think someone is abusing your kindness and help, perhaps you should reconsider the situation.

• Healthy kindness often goes hand in hand with optimism. However, your partner may feel uncomfortable in this regard. You may have the image that your partner is naive or even “stupid” because of his goodness. If this reaches an extreme level, there is reason to doubt.
• If you notice that your partner doesn’t take you seriously and thinks your kindness is simply a response to an attitude of false happiness, you may not be with the right person.

• If your partner does not reinforce your personality and optimism and become a source of insecurity for you.

In short, if something as beautiful and admirable as kindness is also a source of unhappiness and relationship problems, it’s clear that something isn’t right in the relationship.