The Peter Pan Syndrome: People Who Never Grow Up

It’s not surprising that a man like JM Barrie, the creator of the stories surrounding Peter Pan, whose maxim was “two is the beginning of the end,” the words “oh, why can’t you stay like this forever?!” in the mouth of one of his characters (Mrs Darling).

The interesting thing is that there really are people, especially men, who ‘stay that way forever’. They never grow up and continue to behave immature forever. In psychology, this phenomenon is aptly called the ‘Peter Pan syndrome’. And this is not as pretty as it seems at first glance. Let’s take a closer look.

What is Peter Pan Syndrome?

An adult person acting like a child is fun for a while. However, it can get tiring. It’s not just that we have to put up with his jokes. A person with Peter Pan syndrome does not want to grow up and become an adult and will never leave the self-centered, narcissistic, immature stage of childhood.

But there’s more. These people go out of their way to avoid responsibility. They also fear binding like the plague. They have a misconception of freedom and think that anything that involves responsibility or obligation robs them of it.

Interestingly enough, Peter Pan syndrome is much more common in men than in women. However, according to many people, it is true that the mothering and overprotective behavior of women generates dependence on men. This is called the ‘Wendy syndrome’ (after Peter Pan’s girlfriend) and we can therefore see it as the counterpart of the Peter Pan syndrome.

Of course many men and women have a Peter Pan or a Wendy in them, but with some people the behavior takes extreme forms. By the way, Peter Pan syndrome is not considered an official disorder.

How can I identify a Peter Pan?

Let’s look at aspects that could indicate a potential Peter Pan.

Fear of commitment

As we mentioned above, this type of person has a terrible fear of commitment. However, it doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t want a relationship. It’s entirely possible that he’s in a relationship, but there comes a time when he doesn’t want it to continue.

This fear of commitment means he avoids things like getting married, buying a house together, or getting involved in other things that would strengthen the relationship but take away his “freedom.”

The Peter Pan is manipulative

At first, this type of person seems charming. But under the extroverted shell of fun and intelligence hides a manipulative person with a huge fear of change.

It’s not uncommon to hear a Peter Pan say things like, “I’m just not a workaholic,” trying to justify his inability to keep a job or earn a promotion.

Attentive… to oneself

This is another thing that Peter Pans are sensitive to. Indeed, they are considerate people, but usually only towards themselves. Let’s say they give someone a present. It is undoubtedly something that they themselves enjoy and can take advantage of.

The gift probably won’t be something the recipient even cares about. This is often a smart tactic, as the gift often ends up back in the hands of the giver to enjoy.

He is fickle…

Another distinguishing feature of these people is that they are usually very fickle. They become attached to their possessions for a while and then when they find something better, they throw the first away and become addicted to the new.

For example, one day they might turn up with a sports car they dreamed of when they were little. But the next day they can easily replace it with a motorcycle that ‘coincidentally’ was also a childhood dream of theirs.

Do you know a Peter Pan? They are probably not that hard to find. If so, some professional psychological help might not be a bad idea.