You Don’t Lose Your Kids On The Street, You Lose Them At Home

You don’t lose your kids on the street. Actually, this loss starts at home. A home where the father is absent. At home is that always concerned mother. With an accumulation of unmet needs and unmanaged frustrations. An adolescent becomes displaced after a childhood filled with detachment. After a love of one who never knew how to educate, guide and help.

First of all, we will make it clear that there are always exceptions. Of course there are children with deviant behavior who have grown up in harmonious families. There are also responsible adolescents who have managed to distance themselves from a dysfunctional family. There are always situations in which this classic dynamic is escaped. Where the daily events in a house irreversibly mark the behavior of a child.

In reality, as curious as it may seem, a parent does not always accept this responsibility.  For example, when a child shows aggressive behavior in a school environment. A parent will be contacted by the teacher. What usually happens is that the family blames the system. They blame the school and the school community for not knowing “how to educate.” But also for not sensing needs or not applying suitable strategies.

It is true that we all have an active role in raising a child. That goes for the school, the media, social organizations, and so on… But it is the family that sparks the concept of respect in the child’s brain. So is the root of self-esteem or the spark of empathy.

Children, the most important legacy of our future

HG Wells once said that education would go hand in hand with disaster in the future. In his famous work “The Time Machine” he envisioned that in the year 802,701 humanity would be divided into two types of societies. One of them – the Eloi – would be a population living on the surface with no writing, empathy, intelligence or physical strength.

According to Wells, the then predominant educational style already indicated results in that direction. The onset of standardized testing, competitiveness, the financial crisis, parents’ scarce time to educate their children, and the lack of focus on encouraging curiosity or the desire to learn in children led the famous writer to the early twentieth century did not bode well for future generations.

It’s not about being pessimistic, but about putting a state of alertness and responsibility on the table. What many therapists, school counselors and educators complain about is the lack of family support. Something they often encounter when mediating with a problematic adolescent or child with emotional or learning difficulties.

When there is no cooperation or even in waving or boycotting the professional, teacher or psychologist, the parent makes his/her child lose himself even more. In addition, the adolescent will be more driven to remain provocative. He or she will search the streets for what he or she cannot find at home or what the education system cannot give him.

You don’t lose your children on the street: Difficult children, busy parents and conflicting emotions

There are difficult and demanding children who like to act like tyrants. There are adolescents who are incapable of taking responsibility and who like to cross boundaries imposed on them to the point of delinquency. We all know more than one such case. But we must be aware of something: this is not new. You don’t lose your kids to the internet, video games, or an accommodating education system.

After all, these children show the same needs and behaviors that are always linked to new times. Therefore, the first thing we should do is not ruin childhood or adolescence. Second is to accept the responsibility that each of us bears, whether as educators, health professionals or social workers. Thirdly – ​​but no less important – we must understand that children are undoubtedly the future, but first and foremost are still the children of their parents.

Let us consider some important aspects below.

You don’t lose your children on the street: the ingredients of an authentic education

Most importantly, when a teacher calls a mother or father to inform them of the child’s misbehavior, the family feels that their love for their child is being questioned. That is not true. What happens is that sometimes that affection and that genuine love are projected in the wrong way.

• Loving a child does not mean satisfying all the whims, opening all boundaries or not saying ‘no’. Authentic love is leadership, giving a real sense of responsibility to the child from an early age and managing frustrations by sometimes saying ‘no’.

• Quality education knows emotions and understands patience. The demanding child does not stop his behavior after a shout or two hours of punishment in his room. What he desires and desires is to be educated with words and new stimuli. With examples and answers to all his fiery questions.

We must be aware that in this day and age where mothers and fathers are obliged to spend few or no working days on family life, the time spent with the children is not important. What counts is the QUALITY of this time.

Parents who can sense needs and emotions and who are present to guide, direct and represent interests and to stimulate dreams and illusions are parents who give their children the basis and the tools so that children do not go looking for these on the street. You don’t lose your children on the street, you lose them at home.